I do not want this.

There was a black dude at the gym this morning. I kept wanting to ask him how he was coping with this. I didn’t know if I’d be interloping though. I just don’t know how many black people go through their lives, have families, having to cope with the real possibility that they will be shot by those who are sworn to protect.

So then several people murder cops in Dallas. I have no idea if they were black or white or beige or whatever (I can’t bring myself to look at it, and the media are a bunch of liars anyway). I do know this: now people will be all the more scared to protest, even peacefully. If I were to protest, I’d likely not be a target, but I really don’t want to witness murders and shootings. I’ve seen some truly tragic things in my life and I don’t want to add to the trauma I deal with every day.

And now I’m crying all over again.

I was going to say “wait a minute, this isn’t about me”. In one sense, that’s true–I’m not black, and I don’t know what it’s like to be black in this country. On the other hand, it is absolutely about me, because I am a citizen of the US and I don’t want to stand by and do nothing while this country destroys itself. I don’t want a country where black people are targeted. I don’t want a country where people retaliate and murder cops.

I do not want this.


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